I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
