I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
