All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the day after is always just damage control
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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