I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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