dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
