I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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