new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
