when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She is in my trunk
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
