Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
jump out the window naked night went bad
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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