so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
