Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
