how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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