He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
