I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
