either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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