would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
