I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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