we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
