One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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