? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
