...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
