I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
