After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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