she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
