Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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