After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
