his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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