Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize