stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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