note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize