Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
