i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
