2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
