my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
