And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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