Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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