What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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