he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
