he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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