I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
