Moan for me like Helen Keller
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
