just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
