I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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