we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i will never coherently bang her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
