You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you will always have a special place in my vag
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize