oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
