Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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