Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
