Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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