Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
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Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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