I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize