you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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