so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
