is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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