seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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