So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
