I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
