In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
