There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
