I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
