He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
