One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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