wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
