You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dicks are not precious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
