the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
