i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
