Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
