How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
