Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
