he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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