atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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