Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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