just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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