I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
