bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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