i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
