I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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