im having a threesome with these popsicles
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
